Driving to work this morning on the motorway,
I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 miles per hour with her face up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was
halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup!
It scared me (and this coming from a bloke....) so much that
I dropped my electric shaver,
which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees
against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear,
which fell into the coffee between my legs,
causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE TWINS,
causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette
out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and
DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.
Bloody women drivers!