Saturday, December 29, 2007

Nearly Over ........

Well, just the new year to see off and then its back to normal.


My daughter, who is 26, sent us this card with these words.


Mum and Dad !

Thanks for all the lovely presents you've selected for me over the years ......


and on the inside.



Not like the CRAP Santa used to leave me !







Is it holiday time yet ?

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Ten carols for different disorders.




1. Schizophrenia - Do You Hear what I Hear?

2. Multiple personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented are

3. Dementia - I think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels sing - About me

5. Manic - Deck the Halls and House and Lawn and Street and Stores and Trees...

6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is coming to town... to get me

7. Borderline personality Disorder - Thoughts of roasting on an open fire

8. Personality Disorder - You better Watch out, I'm gonna Cry, I'm gonna pout, maybe I'll tell you why.

9. Attention Deficit disorder - Silent Night, Holy ooh look at the froggy, can I have a chocolate? Why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Women Drivers ......

Driving to work this morning on the motorway,
I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 miles per hour with her face up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was
halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup!

It scared me (and this coming from a bloke....) so much that
I dropped my electric shaver,
which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees
against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear,
which fell into the coffee between my legs,
causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE TWINS,
causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette
out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and
DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.

Bloody women drivers!


Saturday, December 01, 2007

I Wish I knew ?

The Photograph below is of the 7th London rifles around 1915/16. One of my wife's relatives, who died 19/8/1916, could be in this picture. The owner of the site who displayed this picture, sent me a good copy, but there was no names. Could Stanley George Wheeler be in this picture ? We will never know.





If anyone visiting this blog, feels they know anyone in the photograph, Please contact me.


Thank You

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Back Home.

Well, holidays finished and its back to work on Tuesday.


Why did I leave this ...........






Where is that lottery ticket from last night !!!!

Back Home.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Holiday Time 2 ....





Sunset in Mahon, peaceful and relaxing.........


Paul Dell Images is the best site for images of Menorca. Please remember that the images on this site are copyright and you must get permission before you can use them.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Holiday Time ...


Well, in a few hours, this will be our view from our holiday apartment.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Well, it made I larf .....

The following quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US corporation.



1. Since my last report this employee has reached rock bottom and has started digging.

2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

3. I would not allow this employee to breed.

4. This employee is really not much of a “has-been”, but more of a definite “won’t-be”.

5. Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

6. When she opens her mouth it seems that it’s only to change feet.

7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

8. This young lady has delusions of adequacy

9. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

10. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

11. This employee should go far and the sooner he starts the better.

12. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

13. A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.




14. He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.

15. He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.

16. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

17. He’s been working with glue too much.

18. He would argue with a signpost.

19. He has a knack for making strangers immediately.

20. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

21. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

22. If you see two people together and one looks bored, he’s the other one.

23. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

24. A prime candidate for natural deselection.

25. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

26. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

27. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

28. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

29. If you give him a penny for his thoughts you’d get change.

30. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans.

31. It’s hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg.

32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

33. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

34. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

1894 and all that ....

My wife has two dolls house's, one already made up. She is going to decorate it in victorian style, for the year 1894.


I have a page on my web site for her, so have a look and let me know what you think.

1894 page

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Some Additions to Murphy's Law ......

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begins to itch or you'll have to pee.



Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible
corner.


Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.



Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.


Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).



Law of the Bath :
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


Law of Bio mechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the
reach.


Law of the Theatre:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something, which will last until the coffee is
cold.


Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


Law of Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking
about.


Brown's Law
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.


Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop
making it.



The Law of intelligence:
The difference between GENIUS and STUPIDITY is that genius has its limits.


Extended Law of physics:
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, and sometimes a scar.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

The Story Tellers.



We are the Chosen Ones. I believe in each family there is one who seems called to find the ancestors, to put flesh on their bones and make them live again, to tell the family story and to feel that somehow they know and approve. To me, genealogy is not a cold gathering of facts but, instead, breathing life into all who have gone before.

We are the story tellers of the tribe. All tribes have one. We have been called, as it were, by our genes. Those who have gone before cry out to us: Tell our story. So, we do. In finding them, we somehow find ourselves. How many graves have I stood before now and cried? I have lost count. How many times have I told the ancestors, "You have a wonderful family, you would be proud of us." How many times have I walked up to a grave and felt somehow there was love there for me? I cannot say.

It goes beyond just documenting facts. It goes to who am I, and why do I do the things I do. It goes to seeing a cemetery about to be lost forever to weeds and indifference and saying I can't let this happen. The bones here are bones of my bone and flesh of my flesh. It goes to doing something about it. It goes to pride in what our ancestors were able to accomplish, and how they contributed to what we are today. It goes to respecting their hardships and losses, their never giving in or giving up, their resoluteness to go on and build a life for their family. It goes to deep pride that they fought to make and keep us a Nation. It goes to a deep and immense understanding that they were doing it for us. That we might be born who we are. That we might remember them. So we do.





With love and caring I mark each fact of their existence, because we are them and they are us. So, as a scribe called, I tell the story of my family. It is up to the one called in the next generation to answer the call and take his or her place in the long line of family storytellers. That, is why I am creating my family genealogy, and that is what calls those young and old to step up and put flesh on the bones.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

THE FINAL INSPECTION ....

The Soldier stood and faced his God,
Which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass.


"Step forward now, you Soldier,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?"


The Soldier squared his shoulders and said,
"No, my Lord, I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns,
Can't always be a saint.


I've had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.
And sometimes I've been violent,
Because the world is very rough.


But, I never took a penny,
That wasn't mine to keep...
I worked lots of unpaid overtime,
Even though my bills got steep.


And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.
And sometimes, God, forgive me,
I've wept an unmanly tear.





I know I don't deserve a place,
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fear.


If you've a place for me here, Lord,
It needn't be so grand.
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, I'll understand.


There was a silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.
As the Soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.





"Step forward now, you Soldier,
You've borne your burdens well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell."


~Author Unknown~

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Freebies ......

During the period of looking into my family history, I have found a few sites which are free for anyone to search the history of your family.


FreeCen provides a "free-to-view" online searchable database of the 19th century UK census returns.


FreeBMD is an ongoing project, the aim of which is to transcribe the Civil Registration index of births, marriages and deaths for England and Wales, and to provide free Internet access to the transcribed records.


Family Search The largest collection of free family history,
family tree and genealogy records in the world.





Make sure you double check your information, It is easy to think the person who have found is your relative, and believe me it will take down the wrong alley very quickly.


Have Fun looking for your long lost relatives.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Handy Hints ...

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always
circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment
from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and
check that it has gone.

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the
object you wish to view.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper,but
you'll also be getting paid for it.

Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate
bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the
first place.

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The
morning after, you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a
thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on
the wall.

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by
filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then
urinating into it, before jumping in.

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip
a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.


An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive vibrator.

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by
running a bit slower.

Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag
from the butt of your last one.

Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or
veal.
Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc
'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the difference.

Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt
be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about
yours,and ask for a nice steak.

High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a
while,thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your
cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to
insulate your roof.

Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car
before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems
anyway,so it may as well look like one.

A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep.

Avoid bickering and petty arguments by immediately punching anyone with
whom you disagree.

Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging
your feet twice on each stair.

At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer
Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the
fishes'
eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal
coat hanger in an emergency.

AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast
wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally. Brilliant!

HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid
for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the
other in your coat pocket.

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply
cross out the names and address of people you don't know

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is
almost instantly removed.

Friday, May 25, 2007

German - Prisoners of war in the UK.

I found this Web Page.


It explains the life of German POW's being held in the UK during and after World War Two.


This little story catch my eye .....

------------

There is today in England an extraordinary case of Fallschirmjäger Obergefreiter Hans Teske who still remains a PoW to this day! He was taken prisoner in Tunisia in 1943 and imprisoned in Hill Hall Camp (Camp 116) near Epping, Essex and during his time there made several escape attempts. At the war's end he did not want to return to Germany as his home was now in Soviet held territory so the British allowed him to live outside the camp on a 12 monthly parole basis. In June he applied for a transfer to Kent and the officials removed his name from the list in Epping but for some reason did not put his name on their records in Kent. When he discovered the error he asked for his name to be put on the repatriation list but was refused. He continued his protests and lobbied his local Member of Parliament and several German ambassadors but to no avail and in 1970 decided not to pursue the matter so technically he is still a prisoner of war to this day!

------------


Hope you enjoy this site.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Funny Video ..

It has been a while since I last posted. I have busy with my family tree, so much information to sort out. My new web pages have taken a nose drive, I still have to try and finish them soon. The new pages are so much an improvement on the last site, hopefully, people will think the same.

Anyway, here is a very funny video to cheer us all up.....



Saturday, May 05, 2007

Workhouse Poem.

My family tree is going very well. The one thing I noticed, is that most of my family ended up or began life in a Workhouse House !

So to keep it in the family, here is a verse about this type of establishment.



Workhouse Poem


"By day I must dwell where there's many a wheel,
And female employed to sit down and reel,
A post with two ringles is fixed in the wall,
Where orphans, when lasted, loud for mercy do call,
Deprived of fresh air, I must there commence spinner,
If I fail of my task I lose a hot dinner;
Perhaps at the whipping post then shall I be flogged,
And lest I escape my leg must be clogged.
While tyrants oppress I must still be their slave,
And cruelly used, tho' well I behave:
Midst Swearing and brawling my days I must spend,
In sorrow and anguish my days I must end."

James Chambers, workhouse inmate.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Been a while ...

It seems a long time since I posted. I have been very busy at work (late nights), then trying to keep upto date with finishing my New web site and taking a interest in my family history.


So I think a picture is in order to make my day .....


Monday, April 09, 2007

Top Tip ....

Make a cute doorstop by using one of your chidren's old stuffed animals.

Cut a hole in the bottom, remove half the stuffing and replace with pebbles or sand, then sew up the hole.



Saturday, March 31, 2007

Finding my past.

Over the last few weeks, I have been trying to trace my past. Well that is the short version.

Now the long version :

I have tried many times to find my family history but have always come to a full stop. Well a few weeks ago one of my cousins was trying to start and as he had not got very far I said I would help ! I looked through all the family papers I had and got quite alot of useful info but then Full Stop. So I asked some one to look into for me and they have come up with lots of goodies. The cost is not bad and you can have a running total and stop whenever you like.




I am well into the Victorian Era and may even go futher back.

I still spend hours on the net searching myself but that's the enjoyment of looking into your past, and I am sure there is more surprises in the cupboard.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

The Game of Monopoly

In 1935, Charles Darrow was an unemployed salesman in Germantown Pennsylvania. At that time vast numbers of people in the United States were unemployed during the Great Depression, and there were no jobs to be had of any kind.



Read the full story here



This is a interesting Blog, have a look around.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Vet's Office.

A woman brought a very limp duck to the vet's office.

As she lays her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Cuddles has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.

"The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the lab and led it out of the exam room.

He returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot.

The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.


The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.

She screamed, "£1000!"..."£1000 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £60, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £1000."

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Time for a chat !!!!

Over the past few months I having been writing a new web page. Things have been going ok, but now I come to the boring bits. The tidy up and the meta tags (!), but hopefully it wont be too long before I replace the old with new.


Below is a preview of the layout, any comments would be welcome.






Click on image to enlarge.

The history of our house is going well. My friends down the road have lent me some documents and they have been very useful. I am finding that a little guess work is in order as so much time has passed from then and now.



If you read my Blog (and hopefully there is atleast one) please leave a comment or email me from "View my complete profile" page.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Raisin Bread ......

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes
to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day
a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk
and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing the length of her skirt ( or lack thereof ) and
the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
" I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely.
The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach
the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf.

The young man standing almost directly beneath her
is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised
he would. Once she descends the ladder he muses that
he really should get two loaves, as he is having company for
dinner.

As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one
of the other male customers notices what was going on.
Thinking quickly he requests his own loaf of raisin
bread so he can continue to enjoy the view.

With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems
to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty
soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread,
just to see the clerk climb up and down.
After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking
that she is really going to have to try the bread herself.

Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and
fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices
an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring
up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells
at the elderly man,,, " Well,,, Is yours raisin , too ???"
" No," stammers the old man,,,, " but it's a-quiverin " !!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

History of Our House .....




I am trying to find out the history of our house and who lived here before us.


I have bought a copy of the 1901 census of london and hopefully I will get some information to help me.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Year of the Boar.




Feburary 18th 2007 is the year of the boar.





People born in the Year of the Boar are honest and tolerant and make good friends, but tend to expect the same from everyone else, and more often than not they end up disappointed. They thrive in the arts as entertainers.





Famous people born in the Year Of The Boar:
Bamber Gascoigne, Dudley Moore, David Bowie, Elton John Gerry Rafferty


This site will tell you more about this great event, which I witnessed while serving in the Armed Forces in Hong Kong.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Snow ...

One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today You must park ..." Then the power goes out.

Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says .. "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Old Prospector and the Young Gunslinger.

The Old Prospector and the Young Gunslinger. An old prospector walked his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon. He had a revolver in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other, and he looked at the old prospector and laughed. Then he said, "Now tell me, old man, have you ever danced?"
The old prospector looked up at him and said "No, I never did dance, I just never did want to." A small group had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now." And he started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everyone was laughing.
The gunslinger fired his last bullet, then holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old prospector reached up on his mule, pulled out his shotgun, and cocked the hammers, making a clicking sound the gunslinger knew well. Every thing got real quiet. The gunslinger turned around and was looking at both barrels aimed at his chest. The old prospector asked him, "Now tell me, sonny, did you ever kiss the asshole of a mule?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard, then said "No, but I've always wanted to."

Lesson: OLD GUYS RULE!!

Saturday, January 06, 2007

RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place
to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though..
My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"