You Must Remember This ...

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things on paper to help them remember.


Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down will you she asks?"
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast?"

The Good Husband

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.

And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT...Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"



Broken Coffee Table £135:00.

Hot Breakfast £1:99.

Two Aspirins 25p.

Saying the right thing, at the right time...PRICELESS

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to wash my car.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the rubbish anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left.

My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye - they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen able, so I decide to put it back in the lounge where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed,
the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
the flowers aren't watered,
there is still only one cheque in my cheque book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favour, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

Good Bye Scruffy ...

O Give thanks to the lord,

Call on his name,

Make known his deeds among the peoples.


(1 Chronicles 16:8)


Last night our cat passed away. She had been ill for a few months now. A eight year stray who had found a home after so many years in the wild.


She had picked us as her friends and now we say Good Bye.

What's wrong buddy?

Jim, Dave and Eric die and arrive at the gate, St Paul explains to them:

"Heaven is a very big place and you need a car to get around. The car
you get depends solely on how faithfull you were to your
spouse while you were alive"

Jim was married for 15 years and cheated on his wife 3 times so he got a city golf.

Dave was married 20 years and cheated on his wife once so he got a BMW.

Eric was married for 50 years and never cheated on his wife so he got a Rolls Royce.

Jim and Dave were very envious of Eric!

A couple of months later Jim and Dave see Eric sitting on the pavement crying...

Dave asks: "What's wrong buddy?"

Eric replies: "I just saw my wife"

Jim asks: "So? why are you crying?"

Eric says: "She was on a skateboard!"

Nearly Over ........

Well, just the new year to see off and then its back to normal.


My daughter, who is 26, sent us this card with these words.


Mum and Dad !

Thanks for all the lovely presents you've selected for me over the years ......


and on the inside.



Not like the CRAP Santa used to leave me !






Is it holiday time yet ?

Ten carols for different disorders.

1. Schizophrenia - Do You Hear what I Hear?

2. Multiple personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented are

3. Dementia - I think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels sing - About me

5. Manic - Deck the Halls and House and Lawn and Street and Stores and Trees...

6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is coming to town... to get me

7. Borderline personality Disorder - Thoughts of roasting on an open fire

8. Personality Disorder - You better Watch out, I'm gonna Cry, I'm gonna pout, maybe I'll tell you why.

9. Attention Deficit disorder - Silent Night, Holy ooh look at the froggy, can I have a chocolate? Why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.

Women Drivers ......

Driving to work this morning on the motorway,
I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 miles per hour with her face up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was
halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup!

It scared me (and this coming from a bloke....) so much that
I dropped my electric shaver,
which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees
against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear,
which fell into the coffee between my legs,
causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE TWINS,
causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette
out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and
DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.

Bloody women drivers!

Who says women can't park.
Uploaded by sheptess

I Wish I knew ?

The Photograph below is of the 7th London rifles around 1915/16. One of my wife's relatives, who died 19/8/1916, could be in this picture. The owner of the site who displayed this picture, sent me a good copy, but there was no names. Could Stanley George Wheeler be in this picture ? We will never know.





If anyone visiting this blog, feels they know anyone in the photograph, Please contact me.


Thank You

Let us not forget ..

hero's - one and all

Clever Cartoon.

Wake-up
Uploaded by sheptess

Junk Mail ....

Back Home.

Well, holidays finished and its back to work on Tuesday.


Why did I leave this ...........






Where is that lottery ticket from last night !!!!

Back Home.

Holiday Time 2 ....

Sunset in Mahon, peaceful and relaxing.........


Paul Dell Images is the best site for images of Menorca. Please remember that the images on this site are copyright and you must get permission before you can use them.

Holiday Time ...

Well, in a few hours, this will be our view from our holiday apartment.

Cat Boxing.

1894 - cat's boxing

Well, it made I larf .....

The following quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US corporation.



1. Since my last report this employee has reached rock bottom and has started digging.

2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

3. I would not allow this employee to breed.

4. This employee is really not much of a “has-been”, but more of a definite “won’t-be”.

5. Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

6. When she opens her mouth it seems that it’s only to change feet.

7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

8. This young lady has delusions of adequacy

9. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

10. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

11. This employee should go far and the sooner he starts the better.

12. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

13. A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.




14. He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.

15. He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.

16. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

17. He’s been working with glue too much.

18. He would argue with a signpost.

19. He has a knack for making strangers immediately.

20. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

21. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

22. If you see two people together and one looks bored, he’s the other one.

23. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

24. A prime candidate for natural deselection.

25. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

26. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

27. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

28. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

29. If you give him a penny for his thoughts you’d get change.

30. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans.

31. It’s hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg.

32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

33. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

34. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Warn your friends this could be a scam ?

1894 and all that ....

My wife has two dolls house's, one already made up. She is going to decorate it in victorian style, for the year 1894.


I have a page on my web site for her, so have a look and let me know what you think.

1894 page