Snowball ....

Snow ...

One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today You must park ..." Then the power goes out.

Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says .. "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Old Prospector and the Young Gunslinger.

The Old Prospector and the Young Gunslinger. An old prospector walked his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon. He had a revolver in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other, and he looked at the old prospector and laughed. Then he said, "Now tell me, old man, have you ever danced?"
The old prospector looked up at him and said "No, I never did dance, I just never did want to." A small group had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now." And he started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everyone was laughing.
The gunslinger fired his last bullet, then holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old prospector reached up on his mule, pulled out his shotgun, and cocked the hammers, making a clicking sound the gunslinger knew well. Every thing got real quiet. The gunslinger turned around and was looking at both barrels aimed at his chest. The old prospector asked him, "Now tell me, sonny, did you ever kiss the asshole of a mule?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard, then said "No, but I've always wanted to."

Lesson: OLD GUYS RULE!!

Generate Your Own Error message

This is a fun site if you want to be creative.

Make your own Error Message.







Sheptess.

RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place
to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though..
My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"

Have you forgotten ....

How To Put On A Bra !!!!
Uploaded by sheptess

Famous Belgian - Plastic Bertrand

Plastic Bertrand (real name Roger Jouret) was born on 24 February 1958 in Brussels, Belgium. He had a massive hit in 1977 with "Ca Plane Pour Moi" and probably remains one of the most famous Belgians to this date even though he has now disappeared into obscurity.

And here are the English lyrics .....



Wham! Bam! my cat Splash
lies on my bed with his tongue puffed out
by drinking all my whisky.
As for me, not enough sleep, drained, persecuted,
I had to sleep in the gutter
where I had a flash
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
in four colours

Allez-oop! One morning
a darling came to my home,
a cellophane puppet with Chinese hair,
a plaster, a hangover,
drank my beer in a large rubber glass
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
like an Indian in his igloo

This life’s for me, this life’s for me
This life’s for me me me me me
This life’s for me
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This life’s for me

Allez-oop! The chick**, what a gas!
what a vibration!
to be sent on the door mat
filed, ruined, drained, filled
You are the King of the divan!
she says to me in passing
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
I am the King of the divan

This life’s for me, this life’s for me
This life’s for me me me me me
This life’s for me
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This life’s for me

Allez-oop! Don't mind, don't worry
Don't affect me
It’s not today
that the sky will fall on my head
and I'll come unstuck
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This life’s for me

Allez-oop! my chick has gone away,
flew away, finally had enough, to break
the sink, the bar, leaving me alone
like a large jerk
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
I've put my foot in it

This life’s for me, this life’s for me
This life’s for me me me me me
This life’s for me
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This life’s for me
This life’s for me, this life’s for me
This life’s for me me me me me




And if you want to sing along here is a Karaoke version.

Dean Martin.

Dean Martin had his own TV show many years ago. I remember watching it alot as a young lad. I do not remember this clip but it is funny.

Victorian Life.

My wife has a dolls house and she plans to design it in the victorian period. I have been searching the web for images and text about this period. At the moment I am starting her web site, help from This Site was very useful, and if you want to learn more about the Victorians then this is the web site for you.







Images taken from the web site menioned above. Take a look, its amazing.



Dictionary of Victorian London.

Another Year Older ...

Today is my birthday. They seem to come round very fast, time does fly.


Well, being 58 IS a big deal, the big 60 is not far away.








Well, I am having a good day and I got the presents I wanted (cos I bought them). Here is to another year.



Is this the new Windows Vista ....

Memories are made of this ...

Who was Jerry Samuels.

The name Jerry Samuels may not mean a lot to many people who read this blog, but his nom de plume Napoleon XIV was a big hit in 1966, when his novelty classic, "They’re Coming To Take Me Away," swept this country.





With unforgetable lyrics like these :


They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa,
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.
To the happy home. With trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!



Well, I was one of the sad people who bought the record when it first came out, Well someone had to buy it.

Navy Honor Guard Drill Team.

Watch as the US Navy Presidential Ceremonial Honor Guard Drill Team performs in Norway and executes their drills to perfection.

" ODE TO WINTER "

Hi Everyone, With fall upon us, and the days getting shorter,I thought you all would appreciate this superb, evocative,masterfully penned ode to the coming winter season.

So, grab a coffee, a comfortable chair, relax and scroll down to enjoy the warm feelings and pleasure that this wonderful poem will bring...



" ODE TO WINTER "

A poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre





" SHIT It's Cold!"



The End

Give Me A Push .....

A man and his wife are awakened, at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed. Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" She asks

"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, And those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be Ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?", calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband

"Over here on the swing!", replies the drunk.

True Or False ...

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.



2. Alfred Hitchcock did not have a bellybutton.



3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.



4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.



5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!



6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.



7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.



8. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.



9. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.



10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.



11. The average housefly lives for one month.



12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.



13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.



14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.



15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.



16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.



17. The REAL reason an ostrich sticks its head in the sand is to search for water.



18. The only 2 animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the Rabbit and the Parrot.



19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie".



20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.



21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used instead of real milk.



22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.



23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.



24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery.



25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.



26. If colourings weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be Green.









Answers: All of the above are true.

The British Christmas Panto.

This strange event in British history can be traced back to the old 16th-century Italian commedia dell’ arte tradition, a populist kind of travelling theatre performed by wandering actors.








I have never been to a panto, not sure if I want to at my time of life, but I am sure it is good fun for the kids .


Read more about The History of The British Panto.

Killer Jigsaw Puzzle ......

A beautiful blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me? I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a Rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to
be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a Rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then.....", he said with a deep sigh, ....

"Let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

First Burglary in Living Memory.

It seems a tiny island in the Hebrides caled Colonsay, has had its first burglary in living memory.

This little island has a population of 125 and homes and cars are always kept unlocked. A visiting workman stole £60 from the house of an old soldier. This is the first crime of any kind since 2004, when several cars were stolen and driven around the Island before being dumped.


Th culprit of the burglary, a 38 year old man from Govan in Glasgow was fined £400 and ordered to pay compensation to the 75 year old victim.


Well, modern trends seem to catching up with even the romote of area's. From the reasearch I have completed writing this little article, I would like to visit this little Island, but keep my house locked at all times.






The dramatic cliffs of the western coast of Colonsay are home to enormous colonies of seabirds, notably fulmars, guillemots, razorbills, kittiwakes, shags and all types of gull. The beaches and rocky inlets support colonies of ringed plover, terns, oyster catchers and eiders amongst others.


See more pictures of the wild life on Colonsay HERE ..

New World Leader ...

It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

Candidate A:

* Associates with crooked politicians
* Consults with astrologists
* Has had two mistresses
* Chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day

Candidate B:

* Was kicked out of office twice
* Sleeps until noon
* Used opium in college
* Drinks a quart of whisky every evening

Candidate C:

* He is a decorated war hero
* He's a vegetarian
* Doesn't smoke
* Drinks an occasional beer
* Hasn't had any extramarital affairs

Which of these candidates would be your choice?



I will post candidates names later ..... Please vote.